starshadow_rivaulx (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
starshadow_rivaulx) wrote2012-12-07 08:56 pm
starshadow_rivaulx) wrote2012-12-07 08:56 pm
(no subject)
Ok, I think I owe everyone the rest of the story about my uncle's funeral. I left off where I was at the airport, right?
Well, except for the part where we had to change boarding gates to get to the plane, getting out of Manila was all right. The flight was beautiful and uneventful, and when I landed, I found my cousin Mati without any trouble.
Then was promptly dragged into the family debate about whether to let my aunt go see Tiyoy in his coffin during the wake. @__@ What the hell? Not even so much as "How was the flight?" and I was being asked for my opinion. Deep breath, deep breath, and then I asked why they were asking me, since they were in a better position to judge their mother's mental state. Because, sadly, Tiyay is in a state of dementia - she is 85, after all - and weaves in and out between the present and the past. So sad.
Well, they would insist. So I just laid out the possible scenarios: a) since she's rather vague about things, letting her go to the wake might at least give her a sense that Tiyoy was really gone and she wouldn't look for him; b) on the other hand, she might have a lucid moment in front of the coffin and go into shock at the realization; c) she might fall into depression afterward; d) even if she couldn't understand what was going on, the probability of all the folk coming to cry over her would certainly start her wondering, in which case see (b) and (c).
I told them to choose among the most likely scenarios to happen, and in the end, they decided not to let her go to the wake. For sure letting her go to the funeral Mass and the burial was totally out of the question.
During all this time, we were making the road trip to Passi, where the wake and funeral were being held. I wasn't given so much as five minutes to freshen up - I was literally bundled from the airport to the wake. So from 3pm to 9pm I was kept busy meeting and greeting my cousins (including the one from Bicol that migrated over to Iloilo - very long story), being introduced to their children, and generally catching up on all the news. I did pay my respects to Tiyoy Carding, and said the requisite prayers for him. He looked very peaceful. There was a slideshow on his life, playing on a projection screen.
It was, to be frank, a mega-production as only it can be in a small city where the deceased and his family have been such a big part of life there. People in their numbers - it was not your usual quiet and solemn wake, oh no. There was chattering and to-ing and fro-ing and a ton of wreath and Mass Cards. I was introduced to all and sundry as "the cousin from Manila, the daughter of Tiyay Cora, Mama's sister" and made nice with all the folks as best I could, considering I could hardly speak the dialect. At least with my cousins' kids I had no problem and all of them fluent in either Tagalog or English. They're good young folk, most of them in college or high school.
There was a late dinner at the organic restaurant owned by my cousin Grace and run by her daughter Pamela. I think around 10pm. Salads with vinaigrette dressing and a meat dish. I demolished the salad, my stomach not having digested all the stuff I had eaten in Manila. By that time I was all out of whack, but didn't dare beg off, because I had no idea what arrangements were made for me.
After dinner, I was back at the wake, where I stayed outside during the Mass (I don't know what you call it, but during a Filipino wake, Mass is said a number of times.) and when it was over, I sank into a chair beside by cousin Bing and got reacquainted with my cousin Abet, the son of Ma's brother. That's the one who "immigrated" to Passi - family issues. It was nice talking to him, and I do regret that I didn't get a proper picture of him, because he looks just like his dad.
The day ended, more or less, at around midnight, when I joined various cousins and their kids at the private resort that my aunt had been developing. It used to be well-maintained, but ever since Tiyay's mental state deteriorated, it wasn't kept to that high a standard. Still presentable, though, and I was given one of the rooms. The blessed relief of being able to unpack and shower and change into clean pajamas! After getting my stuff laid out for the morning, I was quickly settled and out like a light.
Ok. Part three of this saga will be what happened on the day of the funeral.
Well, except for the part where we had to change boarding gates to get to the plane, getting out of Manila was all right. The flight was beautiful and uneventful, and when I landed, I found my cousin Mati without any trouble.
Then was promptly dragged into the family debate about whether to let my aunt go see Tiyoy in his coffin during the wake. @__@ What the hell? Not even so much as "How was the flight?" and I was being asked for my opinion. Deep breath, deep breath, and then I asked why they were asking me, since they were in a better position to judge their mother's mental state. Because, sadly, Tiyay is in a state of dementia - she is 85, after all - and weaves in and out between the present and the past. So sad.
Well, they would insist. So I just laid out the possible scenarios: a) since she's rather vague about things, letting her go to the wake might at least give her a sense that Tiyoy was really gone and she wouldn't look for him; b) on the other hand, she might have a lucid moment in front of the coffin and go into shock at the realization; c) she might fall into depression afterward; d) even if she couldn't understand what was going on, the probability of all the folk coming to cry over her would certainly start her wondering, in which case see (b) and (c).
I told them to choose among the most likely scenarios to happen, and in the end, they decided not to let her go to the wake. For sure letting her go to the funeral Mass and the burial was totally out of the question.
During all this time, we were making the road trip to Passi, where the wake and funeral were being held. I wasn't given so much as five minutes to freshen up - I was literally bundled from the airport to the wake. So from 3pm to 9pm I was kept busy meeting and greeting my cousins (including the one from Bicol that migrated over to Iloilo - very long story), being introduced to their children, and generally catching up on all the news. I did pay my respects to Tiyoy Carding, and said the requisite prayers for him. He looked very peaceful. There was a slideshow on his life, playing on a projection screen.
It was, to be frank, a mega-production as only it can be in a small city where the deceased and his family have been such a big part of life there. People in their numbers - it was not your usual quiet and solemn wake, oh no. There was chattering and to-ing and fro-ing and a ton of wreath and Mass Cards. I was introduced to all and sundry as "the cousin from Manila, the daughter of Tiyay Cora, Mama's sister" and made nice with all the folks as best I could, considering I could hardly speak the dialect. At least with my cousins' kids I had no problem and all of them fluent in either Tagalog or English. They're good young folk, most of them in college or high school.
There was a late dinner at the organic restaurant owned by my cousin Grace and run by her daughter Pamela. I think around 10pm. Salads with vinaigrette dressing and a meat dish. I demolished the salad, my stomach not having digested all the stuff I had eaten in Manila. By that time I was all out of whack, but didn't dare beg off, because I had no idea what arrangements were made for me.
After dinner, I was back at the wake, where I stayed outside during the Mass (I don't know what you call it, but during a Filipino wake, Mass is said a number of times.) and when it was over, I sank into a chair beside by cousin Bing and got reacquainted with my cousin Abet, the son of Ma's brother. That's the one who "immigrated" to Passi - family issues. It was nice talking to him, and I do regret that I didn't get a proper picture of him, because he looks just like his dad.
The day ended, more or less, at around midnight, when I joined various cousins and their kids at the private resort that my aunt had been developing. It used to be well-maintained, but ever since Tiyay's mental state deteriorated, it wasn't kept to that high a standard. Still presentable, though, and I was given one of the rooms. The blessed relief of being able to unpack and shower and change into clean pajamas! After getting my stuff laid out for the morning, I was quickly settled and out like a light.
Ok. Part three of this saga will be what happened on the day of the funeral.
no subject
Lot going on for you.